Easing My Mind

After what turned out to be an amazing weekend, I have to wonder how many of my insecurities are in my head. I’ve been worried about what hubby would think as I open up to him more about what I’m feeling in regards to my gender identity, but maybe it’ll be okay.

Yes, he said some things early on in my journey that made me question whether or not he’d be able to overcome such a huge change to both of our lives. He’s always tried to be supportive, but he is what most would call a man’s man. Super masculine, loves boobs, all that jazz. I’m not saying that in a bad way, but even though he’s trying, how will he deal with my changes and what that means for him?

It was actually him seeing me in my binder without a shirt for the first time that gave me hope. I didn’t think before stripping off my shirt and it wound up being a pretty hilarious conversation with him trying to figure out how I made my chest “disappear.” But the end was what mattered… “You look good, babe. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Even if you can make your boobs disappear.”

I’m sure I’ll say it a million more times before the dust settles, but breaking the box society has put you in is a damn thrill ride. Sometimes it’s exhilarating, other times terrifying. My hope is that someday I can look back on this journal and know it was all worth it.